A Mother’s Recollection

Leda’s memories of raising Bianca and Marta reveal how fatigue, love, resentment, and self-preservation coexist in her maternal history.

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Bianca’s Arrival

Bianca’s Arrival A planned beginning Leda has Bianca while she and Gianni struggle to maintain their academic careers. She initially experiences pregnancy as something she can discipline and interpret, turning birth into a source of pride and intense pleasure. A changed reality Once born, Bianca’s needs consume energy Leda had imagined she could direct elsewhere. The contrast between idealized pregnancy and demanding care begins the conflict that will shape her sense of motherhood.

Marta’s Birth

Marta’s Birth A second pregnancy Leda plans Marta as a companion for Bianca, but the experience differs sharply from the first pregnancy. She feels her body and imagination turning against the controlled, elevated account of maternity she had built. A loss of mastery The pregnancy becomes a source of bodily alienation rather than triumph. Leda’s recollection links her private distress to an inherited line of women whose bodies and lives seemed overwhelmed by reproduction.

The Breaking Glass

The Breaking Glass Work interrupted While Leda struggles to finish an academic essay, young Bianca strikes her ear during play. Leda responds with escalating slaps, first presenting them as discipline and then recognizing that the violence is real. Fear of herself She shuts Bianca in the hall, and the glass in the door shatters. The child is unharmed, but Leda sees how far her anger has carried her and remembers the scene as a terrifying measure of her loss of control.

The Failed Gift

The Failed Gift The childhood doll Leda gives Bianca her own childhood doll, Mina, expecting the child to cherish it. Bianca instead chooses another toy, and Leda feels wounded by the rejection. An angry punishment After finding Bianca sitting on Mina and having marked the doll, Leda takes it back and throws it from the balcony. Her cruel satisfaction quickly gives way to holding and kissing Bianca, exposing how love and anger occupy the same relationship.

The Orange Snake

The Orange Snake A final request As Leda prepares to leave her family, Bianca and Marta ask her to peel fruit into a long snake, a skill they associate with her care. She performs the familiar gesture while feeling drawn toward a life beyond the household. Leaving without farewell Leda finishes peeling the fruit and walks away, beginning three years without seeing or hearing her daughters. The small domestic request becomes the last image of the care she cannot continue to provide in that moment.

When Leda is twenty-three

Two years after Bianca’s birth

During the girls’ early childhood

When Bianca is about three

At Leda’s departure, three years later